(Facebook post I wrote back on the 2nd of September, 2015)
A few years back I was walking to work, and started noticing pieces from a jigsaw puzzle scattered alongside the footpath. For over a kilometre the trail of pieces continued, and I thought as I walked, "this is SO like -for me, at least- what having a mental breakdown is like!" Life's pieces scattered; and a mammoth task to find them all, then attempt to put them back together. A task made impossible because some pieces are lost forever. So what do you do? Fortunately some pieces remained snapped together. I was never fully broken! I have been fortunate to have people in my life find lost pieces, and even help snap them back into place. Others have helped turn pieces upright, to make it easier to put "life" back together. Yet others I have felt, watching over my shoulder, resisting the urge to just reach over and put a piece they've spotted into place; because they know I'm stubborn, and, well, that can really irritate a jigsaw puzzler! There have also been times where I've tried desperately to slot a piece into a spot where ultimately it won't go, so I have to return it to the pile. And, alas, I KNOW I don't have all the pieces back. The tradition of finding and placing the edge pieces has made that quite apparent. My life has holes that, in some places, are quite large, and judging from the surrounding area those missing pieces obviously contain important details. What do I do with those gaps? Some I leave empty, hoping that one day the wind will blow that piece back to me. Others I fill in with self-drawn impressions of what I THINK should go there. Some are only crudely drawn with crayon, but others I have filled with vibrant hues of fine tipped markers that I have grown quite proud and fond of; so much so that I may well be reluctant to swap these pieces out if the original ones turn up! Some I continue to search for desperately, because I urgently want them back. Unfortunately I am well aware that there are some sections in my incomplete puzzle that are only now held to the greater part by thin isthmuses of a few interlocking pieces. These have a nasty habit of constantly breaking off, causing me to panic wildly and reach desperately to snap them back in place. Like the pieces by the footpath, some have not weathered well, and no longer snap tightly together. These sections will only be strengthened once more pieces are added back. To those who have helped to pick up the pieces -and some of you may be completely unaware you have- I thank you. And I thank those who have made it through this stream of paragraph-less, tense-changing consciousness. And yes, those ARE photos of the trail of pieces I saw that day!
