The Impossible Task

This post is a "reprint" of a Twitter thread that I have stumbled upon a number of times over the last year, and reread each time. I share it here mainly for my own benefit for finding it again, and maybe increase the chance that someone who needs it may stumble upon it.

I claim no responsibility for the content, and have maintained the enforced Twitter "Paragraph" structure as much as possible, except where the author indicates a flow on to the next post, where I have joined them up. I have also put a break in where M. Molly Backes returns to the thread a few days later to respond to the overwhelming reaction her original thread caused.  The illustrations are also in the same location in this reproduction as they are in the original Twitter thread post.

I thank her again for her succinct words, that ring so very true for me, and hope she is OK with me sharing them here. The title I have taken from the post itself:

The Impossible Task

A Twitter thread by M. Molly Backes

Aug 28, 2018

Depression commercials always talk about sadness but they never mention that sneaky symptom that everyone with depression knows all too well: the Impossible Task.

The Impossible Task could be anything: going to the bank, refilling a prescription, making your bed, checking your email, paying a bill. From the outside, its sudden impossibility makes ZERO sense.

The Impossible Task is rarely actually difficult. It’s something you’ve done a thousand times. For this reason, it’s hard for outsiders to have sympathy. “Why don’t you just do it & get it over with?” “It would take you like 20 minutes & then it would be done.” OH, WE KNOW.

If you’re grappling with an Impossible Task, you already have these conversations happening in your brain. Plus, there’s probably an even more helpful voice in your brain reminding you of what a screw up you are for not being able to do this seemingly very simple thing.

Another cool thing about the Impossible Task is that it changes on you. One time it might involve calling someone, but maybe you can work around it by emailing. Another time it’s an email issue. Then when you think you have it pinned down, you suddenly can’t do the dishes.

If you currently have one or more Impossible Tasks in your life, be gentle with yourself. You’re not a screw up; depression is just an asshole. Impossible Tasks are usually so dumb that it’s embarrassing to ask for help, but the people who love you should be glad to lend a hand.

If you have a depressed person in your life, ask them what their Impossible Tasks are & figure out ways to help—without judgment. A friend once picked me up, drove me the two blocks to the pharmacy, & came in to help me refill a prescription. TWO BLOCKS. It was an amazing gift.

The one good thing about struggling with Impossible Tasks is that they help you to be gentler & more empathetic with other people in your life, because you know what it’s like. You know. The trick is to turn that gentleness & empathy toward yourself.

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Sept 2, 2018

Hi everyone! I am overwhelmed & deeply gratified by the response to this thread. I have loved hearing from so many of you, & it has been beautiful to see you lifting each other up. I have been trying respond to everyone but I'm afraid there are simply too many to keep up with!

To answer a few common questions:

1) "Impossible Task" is not an official name, just what I've always called it. A psychiatrist might use the term "executive dysfunction."

2) Experiencing this does not necessarily mean you're depressed; it can be a side effect of many conditions including anxiety, ADD, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, autism, grief, stress, fatigue, chronic pain, etc, and/or a combination of the above. If you're concerned about your particular experience, I recommend seeking professional advice (& yes, I realize that can be its own Impossible Task!)

3) Different strategies of treatment--including medication, talk therapy, CBT, meditation, exercise, smooching puppies, etc--work for different people. What works for one might not work for another, & what worked for you in the past may not work in the future.

Let's not be too prescriptive with each other, because statements like "This worked for [whoever], why doesn't it work for you?" or "My cousin was depressed until she started training for a triathlon--why don't you do that?" often feed our inner voices of guilt & shame and lord knows that none of us need MORE guilt rattling around in our brains.

4) Unfortunately, there is nothing you can to do fix someone else. You can't "make" someone get better, no matter how much you love them. It sucks, I know. And sometimes, you can't even help them!

People who are struggling with depression, anxiety, etc, may not allow you to help them with their impossible tasks because they're so embarrassed about them. That's ok! In those cases, you can always leave the door open to future help, & just love them fiercely in the meantime.

5) If you're currently struggling with one or more Impossible Tasks, you're not crazy, you're not lazy, & you're not alone. Try to be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up isn't helping! Consider asking someone to help--sometimes just having company during the task can help.

6) And finally, despite what depression tells you, this won't last forever. There will be a day when you're able to tackle a whole stack of old mail, or drive straight to the post office, or get out of bed without effort. There may even be a day when you WANT to! Those days usually come incrementally, not all at once. But one day, hopefully in the near future, you'll feel like your favorite version of yourself again, and it will feel like seeing the sunshine for the first time in ages. It's coming, I promise. Until then, hang in there.

Take care of yourself, even if that means cutting major corners in your life, or not being "productive," or living on Netflix & takeout for a while. It's okay. And try to let others take care of you, too, even when you don't believe you deserve it.

Remember that people want to help you because they love you, & allowing them to do something for you is its own form of kindness. Don't rob your friends of the chance to feel good by helping you do something that's impossible for you but a cinch for them!

Last thing: whenever you're tempted to beat yourself up for being "lazy," remember that you fought harder to get out of bed & get yourself dressed today than the average person could even imagine. You're not lazy. Your mountains are just that much steeper. Keep going. ❤️