12 of 12, February 2011. Where have you been, oh Semi-Sane one?

OK, first things first. The last thing I want this post to be is a big, dramatic, "let's feel sorry for essgeethree". However, I feel some explanations are in order for those who really care about me, who may not be aware of where I've been lately. It is fortuitous that I occasionally participate in a 12 of 12 project (The 12 of 12 is a photography project designed to capture a day in the life of people through 12 photographs on the 12th day of each month), that may (or may not!) make this a little easier.

So, this is where I have been since the 2nd of February:

Yes, I'm in hospital. And maybe should have been some time ago- even years! Back in August maybe, when things got very dark, very panicky, very anxious, and very depressing. And got worse... and worse... and medications clashed... and well... things got pretty bad.

The view from my bed, looking up.

I was fortunate to score a single room...

With bed...

An en-suite...

A table and (after four days) a chair...

A view of the oldest continuously operating Theatre in Australia...

And the Pub next door to the theatre, that has provided some "excitement and entertainment" some nights (yikes!)

My good friend Gorbak provided much needed hours of entertainment (I love it!)

I am quite enjoying some books that are most entertaining (if you've seen the show QI, you might get an idea of the type of things these books might contain)...

And I'm not so enthusiastically reading the books they'd probably prefer I read!

But they are keeping me fed.

And I'm getting better. Honest.

But for the cachers out there, maybe you may now understand why I call my MIBH period my "Van Gogh/Spike Milligan" period.

Please don't be offended, but I'm really restricting visitors.  Truth is, I overwhelm easily at the moment, and, more importantly, if you haven't been to the Psych Ward before, you won't know what hit you! It is a very confronting place!

I now have occasional release (so I'm whipping this blog post off at home), but don't have my laptop in hospital. I do have a phone that allows me to check emails, and check any blog posts, etc, so I'm not completely cut off from the outside world. But I'm not good at talking on the phone!

Sorry if this has come as a shock, but let me assure you it's been more of a shock to me!

Take care all, and I'll hopefully see you on the trail some time soon!

EDIT: I arrived back at hospital after posting this, went back to be let back into my room, only to be told that "I'm afraid we've had to move you to another ward, in a 4 bed room!" I'd been warned that that could happen at any time, but it was still a shock to the system! However, it was an inner comfort to realize that it wasn't anywhere near as overwhelming as when I first arrived at hospital, and was put in a 4 bed ward- for about 15 minutes, before they asked if I'd like a single room!

My meal was lost in transit, so I ate whatever was spare, and rang Wendy with the news. I then went back to my room to make it "home" as much as I could.  The next moment the nurse came in, and said the Doctor wanted to see me.  Odd, because it was Saturday evening... I hadn't met him before, so we had a bit of a chat. He asked how I felt I was going, and I said the last four days had certainly been an improvement.  He then dropped the bombshell: "would you like to go home?"  He gave full disclosure- "Beds were real tight, but we'd never send you home if you, or they, didn't feel I was ready."

So... I'm writing this Edit at MY kitchen table! There is a long road ahead, but I'm feeling safer, and happier, than I have in quite a while. I'm still fully expecting stumbles. I haven't been to work since the first of December, so that is going to be a challenge, to get back on the horse (they have been so wonderfully supportive at work)

Just understand that I'm changed in many ways. My passion for things is variable. My memory is shot. My attention span is very random, and my ability to spell (which was already woeful) has suffered too. I may seem rude, abrupt, or distracted (OK, maybe that hasn't changed!)

But I now have a far greater "appreciation" and understanding of the absolute reality of Mental illness.  I ache for all those I passed and nodded greetings to in those lonely hospital corridors. I ache for all those I have judged flippantly in the past, with a casual "Oh, get over it!" without having a clue as to what they were/are going through. And I long for the Black Dog to stay out of our yard!

God bless.